What is my life purpose?
Who am I?
Where do I belong?
Have you ever gone through a period in your life where you question everything and why things have happened as they have? Then out comes the BIG questions which causes more confusion and more questions to arise.
That’s where I’m at right now and it’s an unfamiliar place to be.
I’ve gone through some huge life changes, especially in the last year or so, and as a result I have left so much behind. A big one for me is my old career which I spent most of my life studying for, nurturing it to success – only to say no to it now. It was so unexpected but I felt I had no choice. My heart had changed and I couldn’t go back. I wanted more. I wanted answers to this thing called life and to be in an environment that would bring me closer to myself and my purpose.
Sometimes when you go through something like this it can be so easy to get wrapped up in what your mind is telling you, which constantly tries to put you in a state of fear and stop you from taking risks. After leaving a profession that would earn me a huge income, my mind was going crazy. I felt like I had lost my way and that I wasn’t helping or serving anyone anymore. I was just this hermit that was on the road to nowhere. However, what has helped me lately is to focus on something else completely.
I feel so much love in my heart and gratitude for what I do have, I wanted to spread that around and for others to feel that in their lives too, so I decided to embark on a quest and spread some random acts of kindness.
This came about after reflecting on the time when I was unwell. I was so sick I ended up in hospital for three months about seven years ago. That’s a story in itself and probably one of the worst times of my life but looking back at this, it’s the good parts that really stand out. I never thought I’d say that but yes there was good, so much good, amongst the bad.
I remember being in such a state especially in my first month of being in hospital. I was still in shock and my family were too far away to visit me every day so I was mostly on my own. What I remember about that first month is a work colleague coming to see me and she helped me sit up on my bed and started brushing my hair. It may seem like something small to someone else but it was such a huge act of kindness as I was too weak to even do that or care about my hair at the time as I was in so much pain.
During my hospital stay I had key-hole surgery too and was transported to another hospital for a week for this. Again, I was in a state and couldn’t do anything for myself, but then a family friend came to support me. She would come every day to help me shower and also to help feed me because I couldn’t do any of it on my own. Although I couldn’t keep anything down, the fact that she tried to feed me meant a lot to me. It was such an act of kindness and something I remember to this day.
The hospital became my second home in a way because I stayed there for so long. My skin was as white as a ghost from lack of sunlight and I’d also forgotten what it was like to step outside and breathe in fresh air. That’s all I knew was the four walls that was staring back at me every day but then another work colleague came one day and took me out to the cinema for the afternoon. I was stable enough and was granted leave from the hospital for a few hours and I had the best time. Those few hours were precious to me and made me feel almost human again. It was a huge gift.
I also had a friend, who didn’t know me well at the time, but phoned me every week and brought some much needed humour into my life. My family also made a decision between them and my auntie came to support me so I wasn’t on my own so much. She gave up time away from her life and her own family and that didn’t go unnoticed. I was so grateful to her. It was an even bigger act of kindness and it got me through, knowing I didn’t have to go through this alone anymore.
So all in all, despite the pain and suffering I endured at the time, when I think about it now that’s all I can feel is love. With all the kindness that was shown to me, it was all love – the natural state of human kind and it costs nothing to give. My experience has shown me that every act of kindness counts no matter how small it may seem. It could be something as simple as a smile or helping someone with their groceries – just anything. One simple act of kindness could change someone’s life forever.
I may not be any closer to figuring out what my ‘life purpose’ is but maybe this is the key. Perhaps this is even it!! We’re all interconnected and in this thing called life together so wherever possible we may as well give each other a helping hand along the way. We are all beautiful in our own unique way and by sharing that beauty it creates a ripple effect… a kindness that will sustain our planet for many years to come.
It’s what I’d like to call the butterfly effect where love is always the answer.
Thank you for reading.
I love you.
I believe in you.