Wow, I can’t believe it’s been one year already since I started this blog. At the time I had no idea what I was doing and to be honest I still don’t know but here I am, still showing up. It feels good to be here and I feel incredibly proud of what I’ve achieved. It’s something I wanted to do for a long time and I didn’t at first because I was scared; scared of not being good enough, scared of being judged but most of all scared that perhaps the thing I feel most passionate about is something I’m not good at after all. My love for writing lives through me and I cannot imagine my life without it. It makes me feel at home especially living in a world that doesn’t make sense to me anymore. It’s how I’ve felt since returning from Bali in December 2012, after experiencing such a profound transformational shift that has changed my entire being forever.
Coming back into my life has been interesting to observe. It’s been a whirlwind since Bali, with major ups and major downs too. It got so busy last year I didn’t have time to really think about any of it properly and it’s only in the last month or so I’ve had the opportunity to really stop and reflect, really reflect, on everything that has happened. I’m not sure where I’m at or how I feel right now so I’m trying really hard to practice a lot of self-compassion and be patient with myself; never forgetting that the love that I found will always be there, shining a light upon my beautiful life.
“A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.”
I must admit I did doubt this beautiful life of mine. Have things really changed that much? On the outside I can’t tell but then that’s all it took was a day of pancake making yesterday to bring a different perspective. Yes really, pancakes!! It came as an unexpected surprise but I find these are the surprises of the best kind. It was a dry sunny day yesterday so I went for a short walk and called in for an impromptu visit to see a friend on my way back home. As we were talking, we thought it would be fun to make pancakes together. It was Shrove Tuesday and we were already equipped with all the basic ingredients so we thought, why not!! We found a recipe online (thank you Delia Smith), gathered the ingredients and let the kitchen fun begin.
It was my first time making pancakes so I was very excited. We measured and mixed all the ingredients together and started cooking. The first few attempts did not go so well and I was laughing because whatever was in the frying pan could not be called a pancake. I was still excited though and as we cooked more and more of the mixture, it did improve and we ended up with round tasty pancakes in the end. I was ecstatic!! There was hope after all for some sexy pancakes :)
This whole experience got me thinking about my current situation and what a metaphor my pancake making afternoon was for my life. Bali stripped me down to the very core until I had nothing left but me. The big question was, who is this me? I can’t say have all the answers but just like the pancake, all the basic ingredients are already there. It’s about experimenting with them all and having the courage to keep on mixing it up. It’s a completely brand new mixture so I may not get it right the first, second or even third time but the more I practice the better I’ll become. And eventually I can add even more to what I already have.
There is a world out there full of wonderful ingredients from syrup and chocolate to the more exotic but for now I have to focus on the basics because if that falls apart then everything around it will fall too. The foundation is always the most important part. It is the basic structure where dreams are built upon. From thereon, anything is possible and we are possible.
Lots of love,