Hi beautiful readers,
Here’s the next installment of my internal process, following on from my last blog post. It’s something I wrote one morning last week to help me work through things in my head. I’m feeling a lot better than I was, at least mentally, but still wanted to share this with you all. Writing this helped me to remember how much my life has changed and although like any other person, it will never be free of challenges, it doesn’t mean I have to suffer through them for there is always love in my life.
“I found that if you love life, life will love you back.”
Love and blessings,
The Gift (Part Two)
I woke up feeling sick again this morning with the abdominal “pain” at its greatest intensity. When this entity came into my life over six years ago I was so distraught and suffered badly. Every day would be a battle with the physical and the mental too, as thoughts of ending my life remained prominent in my mind.
It took me a long time to see this “pain” as a gift. Rather than coming in a lovely neatly packaged box with bows and glitter, this entity crashed into my life and hit me like a tidal wave, taking away everything in sight, leaving me nothing else but me. It was the worst of times but the best of times too as it forced me to really examine my life and look at what was really important to me.
With my circumstances as they are today it could be so easy to go back. I could stay in bed and lock myself away but really I can’t go back and nor would I want to. Armed with a variety of tools which includes the wonderful philosophy of Nichiren Buddhism (something that came into my life as a result of the “pain”), it gives me hope for the future and makes me feel so protected.
As I lie in bed this morning already waking up with a stream of negative thoughts, I just allow my breath to work for me and simply observe. With tears streaming down my face again I breathe gentleness and compassion into my heart, feeling the love inside of me as it radiates into my stomach with warmth and joy. I then begin to tell myself ‘today is the best day yet’; giving gratitude for my life and this gift I’ve been given.
Although I don’t know what is ahead of me I know everything will be ok again somehow. That something is certain and there is not a single doubt in my mind. This is just part of my path and something I have to go through. It is my body trying to show me the way, bringing me to the essence of who I am. It is a process of growth and renewal and I am so grateful.
I love my body and I love my life. And so it is!
It is always the beginning…
- It is always the beginning - http://thelifeofababybuddha.com/2013/03/03/