In all honesty, I woke up this morning feeling worse for wear and I don’t know why. A sea of hopelessness washed over me, like nothing would ever be ok again. I couldn’t understand it. How could this be? How can this be the life of a person transformed? Did I really have this life-changing experience I keep talking about? Questions upon questions were going round and round in my head leaving me saturated and unable to express myself or at least in the way that I wanted.
It somehow left me unprepared and for the first time I did not know what to post for my blog today. With the way I’ve been feeling, I just wanted to give up but if I’ve learnt anything, it’s that this is the crucial moment. It’s when everything I do counts. So I went about my usual routine. I sent out gratitude and was consciously thinking positive thoughts. It’s something I started to do a while back. I do this before I even open my eyes and get out of bed in the morning as a way of setting my intention for the day. It reminds me of where I am and where I want to be.
Although nothing feels like it’s working today I know on some level it is. In life nothing ever stays the same and the seeds we sow today will always come into harvest. Beneath the shadows and what the eye can see, there is strength, there is hope, there is courage and most importantly there is love. It is there, right at the very core; the source of all possibilities and all of creation.
I would normally end up on this downward spiral, going deeper and deeper into this feeling of hopelessness but the pull of love felt far greater to me today than anything else, bringing me to the field where nothing can stand in my way. Within that love, I realised I needed to go easy on myself and let it be; allowing whatever it is to flow through me – no judgements, just gentleness.
As I write this evening, it has been interesting to observe the moments in my day and how things can change so much within just one day. Today is the Chinese Moon Festival (also called the Mid-Autumn Festival). Lots of people around the world have been gathering together with friends and family to celebrate this momentous occasion.
There is a story behind this day but I have to say I don’t really know it well. That’s all I know is that with the Chinese Moon Festival comes Mooncake and about this time every year I get sooo excited. I’m like a kid left in a candy store when I see Mooncake and I cannot contain myself. It’s a cake normally made from lotus seed paste with an egg yolk in the middle. It’s something I grew up eating and every year without fail I get a bit Mooncake crazy but I love it!
I guess for me I think of this day (apart from my Mooncake obsession of course) as a sort of Chinese Thanksgiving. As I think about my life, even just today alone, I have a lot to be grateful for. And although I woke up the way I did, I was able to see that there were moments of joy amongst the darkness – little gems of hope towards the light. It could be a simple text message from a friend showing that they care or hearing the calming purrs of your cat. Whatever it may be they are always present if we look closely enough.
What are the gems of your day? I would love to hear.
Love and blessings,