Hi beautiful readers,
I wanted to share a journal entry I wrote about two and a half months ago. I remember the day I wrote it and how I felt at the time. It was like the penny just dropped (no pun intended) and I realised the universe was teaching me one of the biggest lessons in my life – what it means to be truly abundant.
I’m still going through huge changes and reading this entry back serves as a reminder of how far I’ve come even in the last few months. As I go about my daily life, no matter how busy or challenging it may be at times, I get moments where I think to myself, ‘I love my life’. It’s a lovely feeling and as I look around me I can see how lucky I am to have what I have.
“Life in abundance comes only through great love.”
My finances may still be a working progress but like the day I wrote this journal entry I feel I already have everything of any value to me and by harnessing the love inside of me I know my life will continue to grow.
Sending love and blessings your way,
Because You’re Worth It
Written on 8th Jun 2013
Lately it’s felt like things have been going from bad to worse. It’s taken everything I have to be with my physical symptoms and fluctuating emotions. With summer upon us and the sun shining brightly, my body has been saying no, wanting me to stand back and retreat from the world around me.
At first I was feeling frustrated with myself. I could feel the self-judgement returning, telling me that I wasn’t good enough and what I was doing was not good enough. It led me on this downward spiral of seeing my life in a negative way. I had to constantly remind myself that this wasn’t my reality whilst having all these dark thoughts spiralling around constantly in my head. It’s been an exhausting process. However, rather than fight it, I keep allowing them to work through me and somehow it has led to a huge realisation moment today.
With my finances being the worst it has ever been, it caused me to fall back into my old habits of feeling like I was ‘lacking’ in my life. With my bank balance dwindling and sometimes in the red, I could feel my heart sinking. My confidence was shot and my self-worth was decreasing by the day. I couldn’t see myself out of this perceived mess and felt at a loss with it all. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. I thought to myself, ‘how did I let it get to this point?’ But then it hit me… It was like my eyes opened for the first time and I could see the situation for what it really was.
I took the hugest risk of my life by going to Bali last year and spent every penny I had to be able to do the Boundless Bliss journey. I always said I would save my money for a rainy day and last year I realised this was it. This was my rainy day. Something in me knew my life depended on me spending it all and so I did. It has left me in a place where I have to start from scratch financially.
It dawned on me today that I am where I am because of the risks and choices I have made. By giving all the money I had, what I really did was give to myself in a big way. By saying yes to the opportunity, I was showing the value I was placing on myself. I was saying to the world that I deserve my own love. I really put myself first and by doing that it has put me in a stronger position today. It has given me the courage that I longed for, for a very long time to be able to share my experiences publicly through my writing.
This has really shifted my perception and I feel in a very privileged position to be where I’m at today financially. Rather than having nothing, I realise I have everything and that the true value in life is what I have inside of me. This is what truly matters and I really feel it.
I still feel the Boundless Bliss journey deeply in my heart. It’s been six months and I’m still in Bali. I don’t feel anywhere close to integrating back into my life and I can see that what I’ve been going through lately is life’s way of allowing me that space to be with it.
Somehow by starting from scratch financially, it seems to reflect where I am in my life right now. At the age of 30, I am starting my life all over again and have been given a real gift. It doesn’t get any better than this. Life doesn’t get any better than this.
With tears of absolute joy, I am really feeling my life. I am feeling the journey. Each moment I’m alive is a blessing. I cherish these moments whatever they may bring. And why… because I’m worth it.