Today I stand alone. I’m at a place I’ve never been before. Everything is unfamiliar and new. Part of me is scared but excited all at the same time and I feel it physically in my body. As I start my life all over again it’s a humbling place to be. However, after hitting rock bottom and surviving it I know that I can handle anything life decides to throw at me.
The life I lead now is very different to how it was before I was ill. Somehow they feel like two different lives entirely. The one I had before was mapped out for me before I was even born. It was a life that my family wanted for me and still do. With the best of intentions I was raised to achieve and become what they couldn’t become due to the early circumstances in their lives. I worked really hard and continued to strive until the pressure of it all become too much and of course I became so sick I couldn’t do anything let alone work.
It was a devastating blow when I became unwell but I have to say it was the best thing that ever happened to me. That’s what it took for me to see myself as I truly was and not what I was told to be. I needed to fall hard for the truth to reveal itself to me. Being stripped down to the bare minimum and being left with nothing but myself really taught me a lot about life. There was no creature comforts to protect me. Gone was the money and status that came from my pharmacy career, which meant I had nothing to hide behind anymore. For the first time it allowed me the space to find my own way – to live a life that was true to my heart.
At any moment I could go back to the life I had before but too much has changed. We always have a choice in life and right here, right now I am making that choice. And I choose me.
In a lot of ways this is an easy choice. I am following the path towards my dreams and it feels good. There is peace and contentment as my heart bursts with happiness. It’s like a light has switched on and I am allowing the world to see me as I am. I am being the best I can possibly be and living the highest expression of my soul whatever that may be.
By doing so it goes against my upbringing and cultural norms in every way. There are times like today where it gets to me and that little voice in my head tries to pull me back but I can’t go back. It’s taking a lot for me to keep going and I also have to face the reality that there are people in my life that just won’t understand. However I can’t let that stop me.
“Do something! Start something! As you make consistent efforts,
you will begin to see your goals come into focus. You will discover
your mission – the one only you can fulfil.”
This is it! The moment of truth! With the strength inside of me I am determined to go for it. Whatever happens I know I already have everything. I have me, forever and always.
Lots of love,