Wow I can’t believe it was this time last year I was on my Boundless Bliss journey. How quickly the year has gone! So much has happened and is still happening, I feel like I haven’t taken it in yet or integrated back into my life at all. I may have been on the other side of the world last December but the journey was far deeper than the eyes could see. It was deeper than I’ve ever gone before as I dived into the depths of my soul and the truth of my life; to the very core of who I am. Nothing could have prepared me for it and what I imagined or expected was nothing like the real thing or what I actually experienced.
Thinking about Bali now and her sweet gentle embrace warms my heart as I recall all those wonderful memories. It was the hardest and most gut wrenching journey but also the most beautiful. I did things I never thought I could do and surprised myself. I can only laugh as I think of all the craziness and fun amongst the pain and tears. It was an amazing time as I was able to find my joy in my most vulnerable state and let myself be; to totally surrender to life because whatever is meant to be is meant to be.
As I went from day to day, not knowing what was going to happen next, I really had to learn to trust. It wasn’t easy at first but as I learnt to let go there was somehow freedom and security in not knowing. Pure in form I breathed in the Balinese air and connected to all the elements, allowing the love that surrounded me to heal me in more ways than I thought possible.
Love is never lost…
Lately, as my life gets busier and busier I have felt unable to tap into that love that I worked so hard to find or at least reveal within myself. I have been in this haze of exhaustion the last couple of months with starting a new job whilst training and fundraising as well for Mount Kilimanjaro next year. There are times (even now) I have felt like giving up. It has been my toughest challenge yet!
I have come out of training sometimes feeling my “pain” and there are times I’ve come back from work feeling very low. That voice in my head kept telling me that I was too sick to do any of this; that I was too sick to have this life. However no matter what that voice has said to me I knew I would be ok again. The Buddha within was calling me, calling me back to the love that resides deep within.
Everything happens for a reason…
It’s been an eventful week because of what it took for me to see and feel what I needed to feel. It was at the start of this week that a dog bit my finger as I was out promoting a fundraising event. I was in shock and it took me a moment to realise what had happened to me. I was really shaken up at the time and felt so upset. I didn’t know what damage was done, if any, and I was bleeding everywhere.
Luckily there was no lasting damage and my finger is ok. It’s been sore all week but I’m on the mend. They say that everything happens for a reason and what was interesting about this experience was the timing of it. It was on the eve of when I started my Boundless Bliss journey this time last year and therefore the eve of the anniversary of when I took my last painkiller.
All year round I have not touched a single painkiller no matter how I have felt but because I have been so busy I had forgotten about it. I have not been tempted by painkillers for a while but the incident this week made me want to take one just for a moment to take the edge off. That’s when it hit me and I remembered; I remembered what I had achieved out in Bali and the choice I continue to make every day since that first day out in Indonesia. I choose life and because of it I feel so alive today. And no matter how much I have felt like I’ve gone backwards the last few months I know I haven’t really. I could never go back.
Sometimes things happen to show us how much we have grown. We can never change what was but we can learn from it and gain wisdom from our experiences. It is an opportunity to become a better person than we were yesterday, to create a better and more authentic version of ourselves and live the life we have always dreamed of.
Life will never be without its challenges and brings many surprises and detours along the way and I have no idea where I’m headed or where I’ll end up. That’s all I can do is show up in my life and be the best that I can be; to show up with an open heart and a deep love that can move any mountain.
I am blessed. I am Love. I am Life.
- Boundless Bliss Bali - http://thelifeofababybuddha.com/2013/04/22/